Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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