She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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