I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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