the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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