when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
