no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
