i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
