You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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