I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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