If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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