I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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