I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
