College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
