I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
from now on my penis is your penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
