i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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