I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
