Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
