hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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