Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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