i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
