i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
