I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
