The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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