white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
