Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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