So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
