Umm I'm too high to move.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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