He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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