i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
