Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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