i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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