im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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