I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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