when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you still have your period?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
