He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
