I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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