operation harelip BJ is a go
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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