Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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