Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Man, jail baloney is awful.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
