i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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