No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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