I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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