if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
