my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
