I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
