I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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