Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
