hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
