i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
