the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
